Don’t Book a Seat for your Emotional Support Peacock Before Checking This List
Its not easy these days. During the ‘golden age of flying’ you could turn up with your emotional support peacock, jump on board, and be airborne with a G&T in your hand before you know it.
American Airlines recently hit the headlines for refusing a support peacock at the gate. This might give some readers the impression that other airlines are more peacock-friendly. You need to keep in mind that there are some good reasons why you should avoid boarding with your peacock on many airlines.
Here is what you need to know:
This is a definite no-go. The average peacock is more than 100cms from beak to tail, putting it well over the hand luggage size. Not only that, as part of their charging to use the loo scheme, large birds must pay a £5 per poop surcharge. With an average of 36 stinking green-grey liquid deposits every hour, that could really start to add up….
#2 Virgin Atlantic:
Now, there are no specific guidelines about large birds being taken on board for psychological support at Virgin. What you need to keep in mind is that your peacock will almost certainly refuse to get on the plane. They rightly worry that that grinning douche Branson will decide to ‘get with the common people’ and sit in economy. The thought of being stuck next to that gibbering plonker for 7 hours is enough to make any self-respecting support peacock tremble.
Ever ready to get one over on American, Delta are welcoming not only support peacocks, but all manner of mid-sized to large therapeutic foul. Careful here, you never know when a particularly attractive specimen might get called out from the line by the TSA and given a *ahem* thorough patting down. I won’t tell them that it is the males which are brightly coloured if you won’t…
No go right now, though Stelios is never shy about making good use of the news to enter more market niches. He is getting currently getting ready to open EasyCock, which should make transporting your foul super-easy…
#5 British Airways:
This used to be the world’s favourite airline for peacocks. Then they did a survey with loaded questions like ‘would you like MUCH cheaper fares instead of bland free bird-seed served by surly staff on board?’. Of course, the birds readily agreed! BA then introduced massively expensive Marks and Spencer bird-seed, and accidentally forgot to reduce their fares.
#6 China Southern:
I have had mixed stories from this one. Peacocks going mysteriously missing, ending up ground up to ‘treat’ hiccups, or was that warts… still, at certain times of year, a much much worse fate is in store for dogs…
Nothing like a super-long flight on a premium airline to get you to Oz. While support peacocks may be welcomed, you need to keep in mind that happens at the other end. A hit squad of Australian special forces are sat at the plane door, waiting with Tesla fame-throwers poised. Something about invasive species, or maybe it was barbeques?
#8 Aer Lingus:
A spokesperson assured us that we were welcome to use peacocks, to be sure. There are places to use them at the front and rear of the plane. We were reminded to be sure that the seatbelt lights are switched off, to be sure.
#9 Air France:
Unfortunately, I was not able to get any details of foul-friendliness at all as they were on strike… nothing new there then!
Peacocks are more than welcome on Russia’s Aeroflot. They are given a first-class seat, all the high-quality bird-seed they can peck at and a personal feather grooming kit. For some reason the small print asks that each peacock lend the airline their voter registration card… just for a day or two…